I was listening to Elder Holland's talk that he gave in the April 2007 General Conference. I would like to share something that Elder Holland said in that talk. While this is aimed at marrieds with children, it is none the less good counsel to remember as you start having children. I want you to know that I have never found any of you guilty of what he is saying, but unfortunately, I may have been guilty and if I have, please forgive me.
I apologize if this is not the proper venue for this and if not please contact me individually and let me know. I never want to be overbearing as a father. I will accept your wise counsel with humility.
"We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don't say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child's view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child's faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it. You may say most positively that "Susan is pretty and Sandra is bright," but all Susan will remember is that she isn't bright and Sandra that she isn't pretty. Praise each child individually for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture's obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are "enough.""
This is so true. I remember hearing a mother tell her daughter that she looked terrible in a dress. I just know that all the girl will not think that the dress is ugly, but herself. Children are fragile and they need so much love. I think that you and mom did a marvelous job of raising us. I fell like I was given a tremendous amount of uplifting comments and confiedence. I always felt like you cared about what I was interested in. You joyed in my joys and sorrowed in my sorrows. I look to you quite often to see how I should act toward my children.
ReplyDeleteWhen my kids were little I also learned a great lesson- also along this line. An "older" woman commented on how well behaved my kids were. I replied with some smart remark about how she should see them at home. This sweet lady really took me task, informing me that she had just paid my children a very high compliment, and rather then building them up I had just done away with all that good and had instead put them down. Ever since them I have rememered that, and taken every opportunity I could to compliment my kids in public, or tell others how great my kids are. I know that they are listening and absoring what I say ABOUT them- not just TO them.
ReplyDeleteYou are so wise Dad. I'm grateful that you are still interested in our welfare even though we are grown and on our own. This is a great comment and though I don't feel like a put my kids down very often I do need to praise them more. I think the thing I struggle with in my chaotic life is remembering to spend time with them individually as well as together, especially now that I am babysitting. Thanks for helping me see things I can improve on Dad. I think you and mom did a great job with us and we love you both tons.
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