Thursday, May 15, 2014
Seeking Advice
Yesterday, Emiline's class went to a biosphere in their school to look at the animals they had there. They have a parrot, turtles etc. However, Emiline was the only kid that was too scared to go: Because there is a dead tarantula framed on one of the walls. This isn't atypical either: She is afraid of a ton of stuff and often cries uncontrollably at things that we don't feel like are a big deal (like having to try something new to eat). Has anyone had a super sensitive child? Any advice on how to handle it? Thanks.
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I have a couple of kids that are like that to differing degree's. Brooke would cry at the thought of going to a parade because she knew there was going to be loud noises, Dane freaks EVERY TIME a flying bug comes near him, etc. For me it's super hard to be patient because I think the fears are unrealistic and they should "just get over it". I have learned that talking about their fears, looking at pictures, and experiencing them with just me or Blair there and no other peers have helped. Blair invented the spray bottle game, where he pretended a spray bottle had magic powered water that can be sprayed to give strength and protection. We've done a lot of reading on bugs, and continually find small ways to explore the fears and help disprove them. On that same note though, I think just as much validating those fears and showing that you have fears and ways that you deal with them is just as important. And usually, hopefully, they will often out grown them. ((hugs to our sweet Emiline!))
ReplyDeleteThanks! That is helpful.
DeleteGood post Jen. I know that the ages of 5 and 6 are an especially fearful time for children. It, s very natural for them to have unreasonable (in our eyes) fears of all sorts of things. This eases as they grow older and gain confidence in themselves and the world they live in. As Jen said says, be patient, explore safer avenues of scary subject matter and if she sees your excitement in experiencing the "scary to her" items, she'll want to see what you see in it. I remember being fascinated with thunder for one of you. Just the other day we found a baby garden snake in the yard. I captured it, yes in my hands, and made a big deal of it with all of Alisha's kids. Some were very scared at first, but with seeing me not be scared (very important) they all ended up in holding and appreciating it. Help you kids experience all sorts of new things and they will feel more comfortable with the world around them. Mom
ReplyDeleteI have not children and no advice. However, I do remember that it was about this age (maybe a little older) that I was deathly afraid that I would wake up one morning and find that my whole family had decided to pack up and leave me in the middle of the night. I was always the first one to be sent to bed because I was the youngest. I had just move rooms to the basement, which would give my family the perfect opportunity to slip away without me noticing. To make sure I wasn't left behind, I would sit at the bottom of the stairs and wait for everyone else to go to bed and the lights to go off before I went to sleep. I can't say what helped me get over it, but only that I can empathize with completely irrational fears.
ReplyDeleteOh Brian! You poor thing! I wish I had known! I guess we weren't very good at teaching you kids to communicate.
ReplyDeleteMy kids are the oppitomy of afraid. At that age, they wouldn't even play on the playground if there were other kids there. School was impossible because Sarah would cry every day the whole year. Loud noises, people, birthday parties, primary, bugs(holy cow!!!), pooping, sirens, the vaccum, mixer, and clothes washer, the dark(still), swimming, trying new things, the list goes on and on. Children's anxiety sucks, but it's really important not to deevaluate thier feelings and make them feel sorry for the way they are. You can't let it controll them either. Still make the child do the thing, but be right there with them, encourage, make adaptions, etc. Help them learn positive self talk and deep breathing and anxiety managemtent. Role playing helps if you know an anxiety producing situaion is coming. I remember having to role play riding on the bus with Sarah because she was having a field trip that required her to ride. She had never riden a bus before and was in tears about the whole situation. We went through everything from getting on, to sitting down, to the bumpy ride, to the wierd smell. That really helped Sarah alot. They will feel so courageous when they achieve it. She'll grow out of it for the most part and learn to control her fears.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. It will all be ok in a couple of years!
Yes, Stephani is the queen of mothers with fearful children. She HAS BEEN THROUGH IT!
ReplyDeleteI also don't have kids, but the thing that stuck out to me most about your post is the word "sensitive." I think that's a great way to put it, because I think it's a more positive label than "afraid of everything." My family (correctly) labeled me sensitive from the time I was about Emiline's age, and while my sensitivity didn't manifest itself so much as fear, but as intense emotion, I feel like there's a similarity there. I certainly haven't "gotten over" my extreme sensitivity (if anything, it's getting more pronounced as I get older), but I feel like something that is so helpful is not stigmatizing it. I'm blessed that I'm married to Mike, who instead of ridiculing me for the intense emotion I feel in various situations, or making light of things that are a big deal to me, he helps me understand that it's alright to be sensitive. Through his help, and some experiences I've had, I've come to strongly believe that sensitivity can be another gift of the Spirit, and if you cultivate it the right way, it's very useful.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think that's the key to helping Emiline - directing her sensitivity in productive ways. You can help her understand that it's okay to be afraid and to be sensitive about some things, but that rather than letting that fear/sensitivity hinder us, we can use it to be helpful to both ourselves and others. As far as specifics on how to do that, I think everyone else's advice is great.
All of your comments have given Hayley and me tremendous insight and help. I have found something in each one that has helped me feel better/given me ideas about how I can handle it. Thank you so much!!!
ReplyDeleteMy kids aren't super sensitive to things but I do have the challenge of teaching them patience and how to calm their anger. I think some of these comments can apply to these challenges as well. I really like some of the ideas you all have given!
ReplyDeleteBailey is super sensitive. We give her treats when she overcomes her fear. And we pet her.
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