Raising children is an awesome responsibility. As I look back over time, there are so many things that I wish that I had known. I am so thankful for each of of you. And to the spouses for those who are married, I am eternally grateful to you as well because as a team you are preparing the next generation.
I was listening to Elder Holland's talk that he gave in the April 2007 General Conference. I would like to share something that Elder Holland said in that talk. While this is aimed at marrieds with children, it is none the less good counsel to remember as you start having children. I want you to know that I have never found any of you guilty of what he is saying, but unfortunately, I may have been guilty and if I have, please forgive me.
I apologize if this is not the proper venue for this and if not please contact me individually and let me know. I never want to be overbearing as a father. I will accept your wise counsel with humility.
"We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don't say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child's view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child's faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it. You may say most positively that "Susan is pretty and Sandra is bright," but all Susan will remember is that she isn't bright and Sandra that she isn't pretty. Praise each child individually for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture's obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are "enough.""
